living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
