I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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