Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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