I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i love accidental penises.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
