repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
