one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
