Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
