Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
