Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize