i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want nice things and good sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
