I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
