Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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