I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
