so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
