be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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