get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
NoShamevember. You game?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
