I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
