if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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