this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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