I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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