my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
