when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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