Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
