Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
