make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
