Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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