Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
