I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
