Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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