the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize