I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
