Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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