Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
3pm strippers are depressing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
