Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
