I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize