I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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