if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's like iHOP with fire
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
