I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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