dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
