okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
