you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
