So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
