and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize