oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
