and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
