i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
