Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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