it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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