At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
