hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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