like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
