is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
