If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
