she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
