She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
