So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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