Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
