You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
