When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
