I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
