So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
