I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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