Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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