Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
