This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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