I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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